Ignoring the fact that you now know, categorically, that these people have had actual successful (in the biological sense) sexual relations, now would be a brilliant time to offer one of our cute and funny new arrival cards. 

  • A white new baby card with handwritten style black text that begins with "Alright so" and goes on to talk about the amazing power of motherhood and the strength and beauty one friend can see in another.

    Alright so

    Alright so

    Rani Ban
    £3.95 GBP
    £3.95 GBP £3.95 GBP
  • Contemporary pale green square card with a funny image of a baby and the text "Feeling cute, might shit up my back later"

    Feelin cute

    Feelin cute

    Betiobca
    £3.50 GBP
    £3.50 GBP £3.50 GBP
  • Contemporary cream new baby card with stylised drawing of a dummy (or pacifier) and the colourful rounded text saying "Ew, you guys did it"

    Did it new baby

    Did it new baby

    Betiobca
    £3.50 GBP
    £3.50 GBP £3.50 GBP
  • White rectangular card with black text saying: "Congraltulations on the birth of your baby. My condolences to your vagina at this difficult time.", with neon envelope in the background.

    Condolences

    Condolences

    Holy Flaps
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • Comic strip style card with a funny conversation between two aliens about the uselessness of a young offspring's limbs

    Offspring

    Offspring

    Strange Planet
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • Pink rectangular card with funny gold foiled text saying "Motherhood powered by love. Fuelled by coffee. Sustained by wine."

    Motherhood

    Motherhood

    Cloud Nine
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • Hands Pink

    Hands Pink

    Hands Pink

    Cloud Nine
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • Turquoise square card with funny gold foiled text Saying: "Cool mums have cool kids."

    Cool Mum / Cool Mom

    Cool Mum / Cool Mom

    Cloud Nine
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • Incredible

    Incredible

    Incredible

    G Mosley
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • Hands Teal

    Hands Teal

    Hands Teal

    Cloud Nine
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • White rectangular card with black text saying: "Ever had a job where you had no experience, no training, you weren't allowed to quit and people's lives were at stake? Welcome to parenting!"

    A Job

    A Job

    Holy Flaps
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • Contemporary pink card with stylised drawing of a stegosaurusand the word "pregosaurus" printed above

    Pregosaurus

    Pregosaurus

    Betiobca
    £3.50 GBP
    £3.50 GBP £3.50 GBP