Birthday Cards

Happy or crappy, if you don’t send a card are you even shitshow besties?

Presenting the humble yet hilarious birthday card - cheaper than a present and without the wrapping headache, our cards might not say "Happy Birthday" but they will definitely make one. (Because, not to labour the point, some of them are really very funny cards, and the others are just spanking lovely).

  • White rectangular card with black text saying: "You are pretty fucking awesome. Keep that shit up."

    Awesome

    Awesome

    Holy Flaps
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • White rectangular card with black text saying: "I love that when I'm with you I don’t have to pretend to be a nice person. That shit's exhausting."

    Exhausting Funny Card

    Exhausting Funny Card

    Holy Flaps
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • A white rectangular card with a tiger drinking a bottle of wine and funny text saying "There's a tiger in my kitchen, and it finished all the wine! It's a greedy little fucker and it does it all the time"

    Kitchen Tiger

    Kitchen Tiger

    Zeppelinmoon
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • A white rectangular card with a cute hand illustrated manatee with a red bikini on and funny text saying "manatee did not worry about getting her body ready for the beach. Instead she hollered at the beach 'are you ready for ME?' the sea lowwered his sunglasses, smiled and said 'you betcha baby'" , with a kraft brown envelope.

    You Betcha

    You Betcha

    Zeppelinmoon
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • A white rectangular card with a hand illustrated stoat in a small pair of jeans and funny text saying "stoat spent all his wages on new jeans. Fuck, thought stoat, now he could not pay his rent. But, damn he felt fine in his fancy jeans"

    Stoat

    Stoat

    Zeppelinmoon
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • A white rectangular card with a sloth in multiple different poses and funny text saying "the key to survival is to stun every other fucker with the awesome essense of you"

    Awesome Sloth

    Awesome Sloth

    Zeppelinmoon
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • Turquoise rectangular card with gold foiled text saying: "How do you restore your body back to factory settings? Is it kale? Please don't say it's kale."

    Kale

    Kale

    Cloud Nine
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • White rectangular card with black text saying: "the next time your wife gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders like a cape and say 'now you're super angry!' Maybe she'll laugh. Maybe you'll die."

    Super Angry

    Super Angry

    Holy Flaps
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • A white rectangular card with an emu and funny text saying "'For fucksake' whispered emu to herself after ducking to avoid yet another low flying dickhead"

    Emu

    Emu

    Zeppelinmoon
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • White rectangular card with black text saying: "I hate it when people ask me what I did yesterday. I don't know, I breathed a lot. Probably got mad at something… sighed heavily. The list goes on."

    Sighed

    Sighed

    Holy Flaps
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • A white rectangular card with a cute hand illustrated emu and the dicks she's spotted today with funny text saying "emu chewed her pencil and crossed off another from her dick spotters catalogue. She had passed one hairy-arsed plonker, four great bollock wafters, two kerbside smeg lords and six common bearded wazzocks. all she needed was a feral tit tyrant and she'd have a full house."

    Catalogue

    Catalogue

    Zeppelinmoon
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
  • White rectangular card with black text saying: " Growing old is a gift. Wetting yourself when you blow out the candles, not so much."

    Candles

    Candles

    Holy Flaps
    £3.00 GBP
    £3.00 GBP £3.00 GBP
               
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